I feel so alone. I have so much bottled up inside me I’m afraid ill explode. I wish i had really close good friends i could talk to, like the little group of friends you see on tv or read about in books. I feel nonexistent. Sometimes ill be okay and i can hide all my feelings to the point where i forget about them for a little while. But then out of no where i start to feel my walls breaking (the ones that keep the bad thoughts out) and then its like an anchor in my chest bringing me down pulling me deeper into my mind until im so far gone i get lost and cant find my way back. Meanwhile im just seeing everyone around me being normal and laughing, and im here drowning in my thoughts, unable to move,speak, sometimes i cant even breathe. I hate it so much and wish i never had to experience it ever again, that i could just be happy and not have to deal with this. I think maybe if i had a really good friend with me, they could help. I do want to save myself and be my own foundation but im human. Sometimes i just want someone to talk to, someone that will really care and ask me if im okay, someone to give me a hug and hold me together when im falling apart.
Sorry for this really long post, i just needed to get this off my chest.